Archived 2012 – A Backwards Way of Saying Life is Good

There’s a Change of Guard Every Day

In my short life I’ve seen as much as most men need. Leon Russell never sounded so beautiful as he did this morning. It’s funny how the simplest, almost ridiculous of things can help to put your whole self into perspective. In the grand scheme of things I’m really nothing, not really anything.  But in this small, desolate hole that I have deemed home, I find a world unlike any other. I guess what gets me is that I’m not the only person in the world. How many people are there in it – me, myself, and I. Of course, you don’t need a telephone book to know that is not the case whatsoever. Just put on oh, let’s say, the news – Algerian riots over food prices, Arizona congress shootings, and Mexican drug lords leaving decapitated messages.  When the tv’s off, the curtains are drawn and my eyes are closed,  the people in this world don’t just disappear.  Seven billion existences do not rely on an interaction with me.  When the doors are closed, the world does not shut down.  But it seems, sitting in my living room with the sounds of an excessively fat, furry cat licking herself in the sunlight, I am more alone in this crowded world than ever before. I’ve never enjoyed the silence more than I do now.  So I can admit that  the sounds outside are rather quite captivating.

Nothing lasts forever, that’s the way it’s always been. Everything moves so fast, nothing stays the same. We can simply only move forward on this spinning earth. A bright blue ball that floats in a black blanket. And how it entices us so swiftly, without hesitation and with little effort, are we the subjects of its commands. Easily and somewhat joyously, it take us for a ride. A journey that takes a lifetime to travel. We embark on it vividly enough, eager at first – maybe even a little naïve but surely indestructible. Willing for anything and ready for nothing. Negligent to the concept of our own self-worth we opted out of preparation – we chose not to have a line to follow. To completely wing it and hope that we succeed. Not to plan to be successful – sufficiently cooperating with everyone – but to hope that we are smarter and faster than the person gaining on us. Ahead now may not be ahead later and we should plan for the latter. 

It’s a good thing we grow, tall and victorious, heart strong and audacious. But we are only as tall as our weakest moments; defeated in our own battles – righteous in our outcomes. We are vulnerable even when we’re standing behind a brick wall. I’ve watched COPS regularly, brick is not always sturdy. Someone once told me that you have to be the passenger in your life. You start in the trunk with absolutely no control over anything that involves yourself and even so, completely unaware of what could be transpiring. The possibilities are quite limited in the trunk. Rather overdone with the confined compartment you make your way to the backseat. Now we both know that no one likes a backseat driver and so you are constantly told to be quiet even though you know the turn pike was actually fifteen miles back. It’s not the ideal means of transportation or travel. To merely get from destination to destination is far beyond the point.  Not simply enough, you hike yourself up to the passenger’s position. You are the copilot of your life. Unlike many ICBC dummy cars, you do not have a second wheel at your hands, but on the plus side the windows aren’t child locked in the front.  You are  quite cognitively aware of your surroundings. You know, what is up. But if you plow into the median or oncoming traffic,  you’ll at least have someone else to blame.

At some point, I will be looking back on this. I’ll be past this part and half way through a new one. Eventually the setting will differ from the current one, and I’ll laugh at the Sundays I spent in bed with a book.  Morning trips to Minter Gardens, and a pathway along a cabbage field. I will think fondly of these memories as they reintroduce themselves every so often and accordingly. Oddly enough, I’ll appreciate them while they’re happening because it doesn’t always lasts forever. Take a snap shot of my life every minute of it, just so I never forget what it’s been. But that’s it, the short insignificant speck of a life that I have lived happens to be my greatest accomplishment. I’m usually alone, but I’m certainly not the only one doing this. So what if it changes again, I don’t think I’m ever going to look back on this life, as something I don’t like. For all the reasons that sit so perfectly within these four walls but as well for all the reasons that sit so epically outside of them. I rarely have to leave my house to experience the world. But it’s a pretty remarkable trip, when I do

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