I Should Really Call Just It This is Pretty Awkward

** Editor’s Note: I now realize, after publishing, there is a typo in the title. I was going to correct it but it’s pretty awkward to read aloud and I think that’s really fitting. **

Let’s call this post Slightly Uncomfortable Saturday which is awkward to say but it’s because I’ve spent the last day watching famous Youtubers. They all seem to produce these fascinatingly loud, rapid monologues every week. I was productive during the advertisements, honest.

Either way, I could have done just about anything else but I happened to learn a lot. How to build your own floating bed and a Double Decker dog bed. So me and my pup are both comfy. Not that I have a pup but future-self is that much more ready in the event of such. I mean, that’s the strange thing about the internet – there’s so much going on that’s worthwhile and holds value. Truly more than just fancy things to sleep on. I think of the Arab Spring and how it’s revolution spread like wildfire through social media. Or of someone like Safyre Terry and how the Internet sent her this amazing Christmas gift. So, it’s not all bad (for lack of a better word).

Although that’s not really what I wanted this post to be about making this all the more awkward and I thought of it a few sentences ago but there was really no other option than to finish. Pardon the run on sentence. See here’s the thing, I have two friends besides my parents and my new quasi internet friend. Yeah, I said the F word. They are all pretty cool guys (and that is my subtle way of saying I have no real girl friends. Which is unfortunate but Pinterest is an OK substitute) but it really is a stretch as the two require forty minutes of travel to see, we all lack decent wheels, and internet friend is a whole other awkward thing. Our digital communication is on par – well except with internet friend – so we justify it that way.

Now, this is is a current situation. There have been a few different times in my life where I have had thriving social circles. An actual need to turn all of my devices off just to get away for a day occurred at least three times. As an introvert I need space and I spend my spare time by myself. Not doing anything different from what I would do if I was with the same group of people (more or less, I order delivery rather than going out unless I’m with the people that brought takeout).  So that is to say  I do really appreciate the fact my cellphone can die right now and there would be no level of concern. It could even be dead in my purse; I might not even know which purse. Seriously, this really happens and when my parents wanna tell me something they just call the house. It’s not something you can explain to other family though as they just really want to hear all the new, adventurous stories you have to tell.

But how I arrived at this situation station, managing to stay here is a conflicting story. Is my off-putting awkwardness veering like-minded people away? Do I tell the wrong stories about myself? Is it really that I just been followed home one too many times where I’ve become this comfortably content recluse. People are kind of fcking weird and I don’t mean you at all, reader. I mean people in general, those questionable characters you can’t quite place but make up a defined group of people you meet often and want nothing to do with. They’re different for everyone and you know what I mean. After all is said and done, I have a handful of people that I really like and appreciate spending time with. People whom I make time for and enjoy seeing. Until after a year they finally kiss me and I almost literally run away. Awkwardly “ending it on that note” and walking speedily to my car shortly after is pretty close. Doing the same thing on the second date was worse. Or they tell me often I am worth waiting for and by which I mean it’ll take time to come up with the land and three houses (ours, my parents, his parents) that he’s planned out all himself and I respond by telling him I’m allergic to grass. I am just saying.

What am I saying  – did the chicken or the egg come first? I guess, is basically it. Do people bother me or do I bother them? Truth is it’s a little of both. I have learned to cope by always being awkward and occasionally funny at inappropriate times.

Hope this made you chuckle sensibly, Stay Wild.




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